Be Who You Are

Ayah had always told me when i was a little girl not to tell lies. I still remember that i have always get punishments whenever i told lies. He said when you started to tell lies, sooner or later you will become a thief. Want to know what he did? He whacked me with a feather duster. I know it was a bit nasty to do that to your children but i have learnt good lesson from it. I have turned out to be a better person and the most important thing, i am not a liar.

When i reached my adulthood, i train myself to speak only the truth. Ok, maybe most of the time, not all the time (I do tell those white lies sometimes). I know i must  have been hurted many people with my words while practising speak only the truth routine. In the community especially for us, the Malays, we are always taught to be polite. When we talk, we are always taught to mind words that we are going to utter. In Malay we call it, 'cakap beralas'. I know. But even with those 'cakap beralas', i do realize that not many of us can handle the truth, to be realistic and move on whenever they are stucked in the situation. Even myself. Sometimes i do feel reluctant to hear criticisms especially when it comes from Farouk. Hearing those unpleasant comments from him will get myself emotional. Most of the time, i just ignored but when it comes to priority, i do not have any choice but to improve. For instance, just face it, i am not a good cook. I never been to kitchen helping Ibu in my teen years. I only know how to cook rice when i first married Farouk and now after years and years of being married to him, i have improved. Not that fantastic yet but with some guidances from Farouk himself (He is quite established for what he loved most; to cook and enjoy the food), Ibu and of course, those receipe books, i can now cook a delicious dish of beef rendang (Rendang Terengganu) and the list went on. Even Areej also think some of it are delicious. Thank you, Sayang Mama.

In the world of man's domination, especially when you are working in the field where most workers are men, challenges are there and they are big challenges. Some men may think that i am either too fragile or incapable to travel here and there, under estimating what a woman can do in this man's world. Throughout 7 years of working, i have learnt many things apart from being taught a lot from those nicest bunch of experienced people like Abang Jamal and Mai especially on documentation and not to be suprised, i also make some new friends here. It is such a hard work but i do accomplished some of the skills while working in this field.

Pretty suprised when i was assigned to do other task starting from October last year plus another new task early this year. I accepted it with an open heart and prayed to God to give me guidances. Funny how people when they are sitting on a higher post they can totally changed to be someone different or maybe it is just me, being too naive to realize that they are obviously pretenders and when the time comes, their true colours will soon revealed. Have it your way then and to be honest, i have no regret.

What i know now is i missed Ayah terribly. I hope to visit him more often and be nice to him whenever i see him although i must admit, i had a pretty bad childhood experience because of him. Below is a picture of Ayah which i can picture most in my mind when we were having family dinner last year......

It was such a happy moment when we were together as a family.....I hope we can get together again soon:)

A Working Mommie

Since completed my degree in 2003, i have been working and working until there were times i felt like i have been neglecting my loved ones with time spent on working and travelling. Being on the move almost all the time, i think i should be thankful to Farouk for being patient enough to let me driving/travelling with all those guys without being suspicious or jealous, for taking care of Areej and being there whenever i feel like nagging....complaining about everything especially when i was too tired to think or act after long hours of driving. I can recall one of the craziest trips i ever done when i was travelling to Kota Kinabalu. I took early flight to have a meeting there and went back to Johor Bahru by taking the last flight on the same day. I think i have done it more than once. That was madness, right?

I do travel a lot to many places within Malaysia....Driving, taking flights....Uhh, i have tons of story to tell everytime. As a person who involve in this type of business, i have been to many plants, oil jetties and ports.  Every visit that i went has been always an eye opener for me; for being able to see things with different perspectives, to learn more, to open my heart as doing this job will lead you to meet different-different people with various backgrounds and levels of knowledge; technically and with years of experience.

I do complain sometimes that i did not get time to rest, not finding myself as an organized person as before, my house is always in the mess especially when i travelled for more 3-4 days a shot, leaving Farouk with the little princess, but this is my life. As a wife/mommie, i think i just have to give it a try....To make things in order and also keeping those precious limited minutes for myself, to groom a bit and have time on my own. Being able to think, to do a little bit of cooking as a self taught cook as well as meeting up those old friends whom i left behind and did not get to see for ages.

I have big plan for 2011, that are to be more organized, to be a terrific wife/mommie not forgetting to start back what i have left behind for many-many years....To craft and to be more creative until i can start a small business on my own. I hope to be a certified SHO though. If this year is too packed to take all the three papers, it is going to be next year. I will surely crack my head to pass all with flying colours if God let me. It is worth it.

Anyway, this is a picture of me with my ex-colleague, Fitri....Having bliss while working under the hot sun......

I Dreamt A Dream

I totally forgot all about him after years and years since the day we stopped talking, calling, writing and even seeing each other until last week when i dreamt of him. I kept on thinking about him after that and could not help but beginning to miss him day by day until i finally found him on Facebook last week. He approved me as his friend.

He was my first love. I still remember that i used to adore him so much until i finally got the nerve to send him an Eidulfitri card during my form five. I must admit it was so silly of me but suprisingly, i did not wait long for him to reply. From there we started to become friends.

As one of popular guys at his school, i was getting the same reputation. People started to talk about us. For me, i just careless. What i know is i never really tell him how much i have adored and even loved him from the day i saw him for the first time at my school but i think he must have been totally understood it right from the start when we first met. He whom i knew was a very nice person, cared so much about me until he was willing to see me almost everytime i called and said to him i was in trouble. He cared and listened to my problems even after we completed our SPM in 1994 and started working. I can still recall that he came visiting when i was waitressing at a fast food restaurant. All my colleagues were praising him for his good look and said i was lucky to have him. To be honest, i did not really know what he was to me and i was to him but in my mind, he was simply the boy i have fallen for and out from nowhere, God sent him to me.

Our friendship did not last long though. I did not remember how we felt apart but i remembered that there was a girl he was in love with and she was his childhood sweetheart whom he could not forget. From there we grew our barriers. We finally stopped knowing each other when we were in our upper six. I decided to move on with my life and he with his.

Funny how i still keep the picture we took together when we were in our lower six and it is still in good condition. I saw it when i was picking up some old pictures from one of the drawers. There was also a picture of you, smiling. It was happening long before i even dream about you and finally found you here, online. Looking at it, i hardly recognize you but i am very much thankful to God for letting me to witness that you are now leading your life. Safe and sound. I even laughed at myself for being childish but i learnt something from it. Love yourself before you could love another being and it is all right to lose someone you loved for some unexplainable reasons because somehow God have been fair enough to you that He let that person to be with you for a duration of time before really losing him / her. At least he / she existed in your life before and once has made you happy. Therefore, be grateful about it. I am now sitting at my office desk with Coffee Beans Hazelnut Ice Blended on my right hand side. Smiling for letting go the past. Fly away, Love with all the memories we once shared. Alhamdulillah.

(Credit to Google)

January 2011, A New Start

Salam and a very good day to all of you. Apart from my crafty things, i have been always wanted to blog about my life for so long but never really had the chance to do it. Now, this is it. I know that my life is not that much to be written about because it is more like a routine What i do everyday (during weekdays) is always the same. In the morning, i wake up and go to work until 5 before finally go home to rest and this routine has been continuing in my life for almost 8 years now.  On the other hand, what i love and feel blessed is now i have Areej Ariana Zaheen by my side, my strength and happiness throughout the good and bad times. Of course lots of things have been happening now and Areej is growing up..Happy and healthy. She has started to take up responsibilities too that is to go to kindergarden from Monday to Friday and finishes her school work everytime. I do hope that my marriage life will improve me and will keep on improving me to be someone better in the future. Not that silly old Aida and become a terrific wife and mommie. Amin.